Where the Wild Things Are

On Sunday, I arrived home from Tucson on time (thank you American Airlines for that wonderful performance) and immediately settled in, unpacked my stuff, and did a little happy dive onto my couch to catch up on my DVRd shows. Not long into Grey's, I heard the weirdest scratching noise that sounded like it was coming from my roof. I ignored it thinking that it was probably a bird on the roof, but the sound persisted. I then decided that further investigation was necessary, and I climbed up in the attic to see if some random animal had made its home in my insulation. Umm, no. I then proceeded outside and tried to look like I knew what I was doing as I surveyed all aspects of my roof from the ground. Still nothing. I went back inside, pressed play, and continued in my happy bliss.

An hour later, the same noise occurred again. This time, after listening very closely, I determined that the noise resembled an animal trapped in some small space that was trying to get a foothold on a slick metal vertical object . . . hmmm, what could that be? Hint: When you start a fire in your fireplace, smoke goes up your _______. Very good kids!

My chimney was the unintended home of a wild thing-I am guessing a squirrel. Crap. After listening to the rattling for a little while, it all but stopped and I headed to bed, completely forgetting about the sound. Apparently, this little guy and I are on the same circadian rhythm because we both slept soundly throughout the night. And also like me, the little guy gets cranky in the mornings, which is when I remembered that I did indeed still have my overnight visitor.

To speed up my little tale, let me just say that there is really no good and easy way to get an animal out of one's chimney. Recommendations made by colleagues and my dear dad included: smoke it out, open the damper and let it fall into a box, call animal control, let it die and then fall into said box . . .

I pay taxes, and being new to the city, I decided to check out my local animal control who recommended a trap. They even came by to look up the chimney and help me set up the trap. Apparently, my wild thing is either a little shy or has the ability to disappear into thin air because the office could not see anything caught in the chimney. She told me that the animal might have freed itself, but to call back if I heard any more noises.

People, I am here to tell you, that this intruder is back. In fact, I am listening to him rumble around and get ready for bed as I write this post. Looks like I am going to have to get the trap and see what I can do about enticing the wild thing out of my chimney.

Stay tuned for Part II of this story, but to keep you intrigued, I will tell you that it will either end in a sad death (not mine), a story of survival and hope (yes, mine), or me possibly contracting the disease called rabies. Luckily, from the show The Office, I happen to know that rabies is curable-so I'm really not that worried, but I'll let you know what happens.