It's no secret that I am on Eharmony to try to meet an intelligent, good-looking, compassionate man who understands both complicated technology and the concept of giving flowers to a woman for no reason at all. So almost every day, I scour the "new matches" Eharmony has thrown at me in an attempt to decipher the secret written code of the male species, hoping to find the one for me. Tonight was no different. Let me preface this by saying that I know I have mentioned the horrendous pictures guys put on their profiles in what I can only guess is a bad attempt to show humor and individuality, but there is a reason why I have not gone into great detail about this. And the reason is that just when I thought profile pics couldn't get any worse, I saw #1 below.
But first, a count-down of the runner-up worst profile pics a guy can post. I have not made any of these up; I have seen all of these offenses with my very own eyes. My comments are in italics.
5. Guy + hot girl who is not a family member. (Oh, yes, please let me compete against her!)
4. Guy with a large group of other guys who are all drinking beer, with a caption underneath that reads "I'm the one with the least beer belly." (Oh God, don't make me have to take out an extra small tape measure just to figure out which one you are. Guess what, you all have enormous beer bellies and look the same!)
3. Guy with five pictures that all look like different people. (Hmm, but what do you look like today? Are you most like the outdoor picture where you have facial hair? Or most like the pic of you at the bar with your homees and frosted tips and graphic tee? Ahhhhh!)
2. Guy with the "I took this in the bathroom, but forgot to angle out the toilet and Windex the mirror." (Ok, so I know we haven't really technically communicated yet, but I feel like I know you so well and that we have really reached a certain amount of comfort in our relationship. I mean, gosh, I've already seen your grimy toilet and mirror, and we haven't even swapped first questions yet.)
and drum-roll please:
1. Guy and his friend dressed up as "Dick in a box." (Wow, it's awesome that this was your "coming out" profile picture to all those lucky ladies who pay a shitload of money to meet guys on Eharmony. Oh, if only you really were JT!)
Now I have seen it all.
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hehe ohh how I remember these from my match days.. which I'm thinking about returning to btw, although I have to say- i would probably be attracted to the type of guy who would use a dick in a box pic..which probably explains why my relationships have all failed!
ReplyDeleteThanks for the great laugh today!!! These guys sound like real gems. Unfortunately, like the previous poster, I've been through my share of these guys. It makes you wonder where they found the "actual members" for their commercials!
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